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    New -- The bad things

    New

    I knew I was an alcoholic before I drank my first beer. Father was, Mother is

    It was always something I could feel in my chest, like a quiet yearning of want. I made it until I was 27 or so without ever having drink a glass of wine.
    So then some bad stuff happened…marriage.. Women. I drank an entire bottle of White Zinfandel along with some chicken I baked in the oven. The first time I had ever been drunk.
    Fast forward some years, some other bad stuff happened…. Women. Same one actually, this time it was Vodka, I didn’t even know how and just chugged the hell out of some Sky Vodka, made an absolute fool of myself in front of my family and hit on my step sister….. Women.

    Fast forward some years, some good stuff started to happen. I decided to go to school for something I loved, I got a great job that same day I applied to school and met some new friends. My friends were so cool, the very first day after work they wanted to go take me out to a strip club.
    Two drink minimum…. Do you know how macho you look drinking a Smirnoff Ice? Friends kept wanting to go after work on Fridays. Wife doesn’t care, hell really doesn’t care much at all about anything. I keep going… I graduate to a dear friend, Budweiser.

    It’s what my Dad and Step-Father and Mother would drink throughout the week and to excess on the weekends. Thinking back the weekends were actually kind of relaxing because you knew they would eventually be passed out.

    You then had free-reign throughout the house WOOO!

    Fast forward a year, it’s not just at the club on Fridays now. I’m a grown man, hell! I can buy beer and drink it at home if I want! I bought my first six-pack when I was 29.
    Usually it was at the end of the day, not every day at first but some days. The weekends were full on, you could have a six pack and play video games and chill out. ( I became my parents )

    Some bad stuff happened
    Women

    I met a “friend”, it just happened to be the wife of my best friend. We spent two years in college together and one night after coming back home for “drinks” to keep the party going while my wife and my best friend played rockband, his wife and I became involved.

    She liked to drink wild turkey….

    Some really, really bad stuff happened and continued to happen.

    I’ll spare some the details but the full story up to this very point would absolutely blow your mind. Hell, I should probably write a book.

    A single bottle of White Zinfandel turns into 96 beers a week in a span of eight years.

    14 to 16 a day, every day.

    No longer married, destroyed not one but TWO marriages and just lost the love of my life (again).

    I’m hoping this time the bad stuff that’s happened will become the best thing that’s ever happened to me. That's the first time I've ever typed that out.... it's amazing how self-destructive i've been the past eight years.
    Last edited by supafaith; 10-04-2017, 05:11 PM.

    #2
    Wow, I must say that was pretty beautifully written, although tragic. Maybe you should write a book... Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to the group. It sounds like you are summing your life up in those 8 years of your mistakes, but I am sure you are leaving out a lot of details that have been good as well. Your not a failure because you have failed relationships. Divorce absolutely sucks and makes you feel like you failed at life. But you havn't. I am divorced and in a healthy relationship now. I almost destroyed a friend of mines marriage as well, and did destroy mine with my shenanigans. I am older and wiser now. I no longer even look at other men. If the thought crosses my mind, I immediately tell it to go the hell away. Even when I struggle in my marriage, I will never cheat. Im not going down that way again. Now my goal is working on taking control of this drinking habit. I HATE the word alcoholic and if I think of myself as one, I want to start drinking! LOL. So I dont think that is helpful, at least not for me. Instead I look at it like I do diet and exercise, do what is healthy for me and prevent doing what is harmful. Check out the site and read some stories. Make a plan for where you want to be. We are very supportive here and have all done some shitty things, but those things do NOT define you. Best of luck.

    Comment


    • supafaith
      supafaith commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks for taking the time to read all of that.

    #3
    Welcome to the site. I'd suggest joining (getting a PW, etc) so that you can post on the private forums. Those get more traffic. You've had an interesting eight years. What is your plan going forward, with drinking (or not drinking) and your life in general?

    Comment


    • supafaith
      supafaith commented
      Editing a comment
      I've quit cold turkey for about two weeks before and it was hell, had food poisoning at the time so it was double duty. I've been finding lately my heart rate around noon starts to spike and generally feel a little ill before my usual time of around 7:30pm (when I usually start).

      Current plan started yesterday, I'm going to follow the HAMS guide specifically and -2 standard drinks a day until I'm at zero. I'll then probably alternate 1 beer a day for about a week after that. Tonight its 10

      As for life in general I have some things coming into focus with peer groups I can associate with, this last relationship was actual very special and to be honest it wasn't my drinking that played any major role in her decision to leave but my inability to handle her anxiety and depression effectively. (it was unnaturally high, definitely clinical).

      I'm still searching for an answer as to exactly what I did wrong. Until I figure that out I'll just have to fix everything I know is wrong with me first, becoming a better version of my previous self.

    • Thegeneralduke
      Thegeneralduke commented
      Editing a comment
      Thats a good plan. Frankly that schedule taper is very long probably unnecessarily so, whenever i've tapered its usually been sufficient to do about a 3 day taper at most, sometimes 2 days. the first night /morning is the hardst then usually the second day I taper off and have very few symptoms. The other thing you could do, instead of saying x number of drinks per day, is to just go by symptoms. Half a beer to get rid of symptoms, then wait till they come back. Repeat, chances are youll do this many times throughout the day but you should never exceed the limit based on the schedule (ie never more than 12 first day, 10 second).

      Mainly, I would just say, if you have no symptoms, dont drink. Theres no reason. The beer is to treat WD's, and if you don't have WD's you don't need the beer.

    #4
    Good luck with this.... I am new two... Not going to drink today and am hoping that I can give my body a break for at least a few days per week. So far, it seems helpful to write about it and read what others have done....

    Comment


      #5
      Helluva post. Hope things are going according to plan.

      Welcome. You'll find a lot of support here. Post in the General section. Not everyone checks this part of the forum regularly. FYI.
      My Alcohol Free Story

      https://hams.vbulletin.net/forum/mai...-pros-and-cons

      Comment


        #6
        supafaith, you should join the forum. There's a lot of great people here that offer can there suggestions. You can get a handle on your life.

        Comment


        • supafaith
          supafaith commented
          Editing a comment
          I joined, Thanks for taking the time.

        #7
        Dozen days ABS thanks to finding this Forum when and how I did.

        Comment


          #8
          Well, this is where it started. I've been on a journey of sorts and I think I'm finally coming out ahead. I just wanted to share this with you guys since this forum actually probably saved the rest of my life. When I lost my girlfriend it was the worst experience i've ever had to endure, it led me here to make some serious life choices and you guys did have an impact.

          I'm now +90 days completely ABS, well past my withdrawal and I give that case of budweiser the finger every time I walk by it in the grocery store. I am alive again, writing this post actually helped me process allot of issues that I'm actively working on through multiple types of group / personal therapy, I get better every day.

          I also just published my first book yesterday. Many more are planned.
          https://www.amazon.com/dp/1549890719

          Thank you very much
          Justin M. Faith
          Leave Her Be : A Man's Guide to Surviving Heartbreak [Justin M Faith] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. She left you. I’ve been there, I understand how you feel at this very moment as you read the description of this book. You’re searching
          Last edited by supafaith; 10-04-2017, 05:36 PM.

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