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husband doesnt get it and doesnt care

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    husband doesnt get it and doesnt care

    so even though im pretty sure iv succedded in achieving moderation my husband claims im in denial again. he is now drinking and even smoking way more then I am, or have ever. he is blaming me for his backslide into cig smoking also. appartently im now responsible for his decisions like he is my child (never wanted my own kids happy with being auntie). please lord, help me to not kill my husband in his sleep.

    #2
    Tell him that if he focused on himself the one thing he can change and left you to focus on yourself then maybe you would both be happier bunniesx

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      #3
      I agree with Kathy, no one can blame anyone else for their own behavior. we all make our own choices when it comes to self-medicating. we all need to own our choices.

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        #4
        Go to Alanon.

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          #5
          The only person you are responsible for is yourself, you can not control anyone else. Sounds like your hubbies needs to realize this first step.

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            #6
            husband still acting like its mid life crisis time (were 30!) Today he brought up that it would be reasonable to commit me again. even though he promised as my next of kin he wouldnt let it happen. now hes claiming there would be nothing he could do about it if it did. I blame our best man. hes a good dude, but when Dan gave his side of the story he responded "maybe she should see a doctor" and to my husband that was reason enough to call me crazy bitch again

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            • Hermanite
              Hermanite commented
              Editing a comment
              You can execute an advanced health care directive for mental health care just as you can for other health care decisions should you become incompasitated. Everyone over eighteen should have at least a general AHCD because things can happen suddenly at any time. An advanced directive for mental health care can be executed at anytime by a nonconserved adult who is not currently a danger to self, others or pervasively mentality I’ll and unable to meet their own basic needs ( essentially as long as you do not currently meet the criteria for non voluntary institutionalizations). Yes even if you have a current mental health disability. Essentially it allows you to designate another adult of your choice to represent you in any medical decision. You can predesignate your chosen treatment team Dr, psycolgist, indicate facilities you are willing or not willing to be admitted to, indicate medications you are willing or not willing to have admistored as well as other types of treatments ( see the Reese Law re medications), most states have nonprofit legal services for people with disabilities that can guide you or assist you with the process. All states also have federally mandated protection and advocacy systems that can also assist you. Many have sample mental health advanced directives that you can take to an attorney and in some cases self execute. It is best to work with someone with legal qualifications to do this and should be done prior to any circumstances were you would be considered to meet the criteria for an involuntary hold. The person you designate as your representative should agree to serve in advance. With these documents you should be able to insulate yourself from being institutionalized simply as an abuse of power. You can so place in the directive that your spouse inappropriately threatens and uses placement to control you. However I guess the larger question is why you stay with him if he engages in that behavior? You may be better served by joining the closed group which can offer more support and ideas.

            #7
            sad b/c i thought our best man had respect for me. I thought he saw me. apparently not.

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              #8
              One name, two word.. Eckhardt Tolle ...

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                #9
                I know this will sound weird and I do not know how you live, but my only advice is to open a secret bank account where you can save up as much money as possible every month. I have done this for the last ten years, I don't plan to use it, but sometimes things get pretty rough with my husband and just knowing I have this tiny safety net makes me feel, well, safe. If you feel abused you should definitely consider moving out. You're still very young. I'm not saying you should leave your partner. Just make sure you are free to make any decision when/if the time comes.
                good luck and my best thoughts are with you.

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                  #10
                  I'm sorry you're in a relationship in which there's name calling. I like dmt83's suggestion of starting to set aside some money. I get the impression that both you and your husband could use some space from each other, which could mean physical space, but even just taking some psychological space could help. Like, by not reacting or responding right away to each other. By going for a walk alone or sitting in the other room. Whatever helps. Keep having faith in yourself

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                    #11
                    I agree with dmt83. Put a little money aside. This sounds like such a familiar scenario from 17 years ago. My husband left me because I could not drink with him and party. And he would blame me for his bad habits He found someone else. Now I know that I was better off. I am remarried and happy and have an occasional drink. The ex has since wracked up 2 DUI's and is a miserable soul trying not to drink.. Take care of your stuff and let the hubby take care of his.

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